We used to rule the world — the “middle age” expectation reset
As my friends and I get older we are all having to reset our priorities (and our definitions of purpose and dreams)
“I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning, I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own”Coldplay “Viva la Vida”
I have recently made a concerted effort to make time for friends of old and the lines above from the Coldplay anthem have been stuck in my head…
Reminiscing about old stories with them, reflecting on where my friends and I are today, has made me think about those days in our 20s when we thought we were on top of the world… and the world was there to be conquered.
Paper-millionaires at twentysomething…who were then paper paupers. Freshly minted Ivy league MBAs…who then realised that it opened doors but still required the work. Beaming grooms…with several divorces amongst us. Proud dads…whose work sometimes made them absent dads.
And while none of us are exactly sweeping streets, our older age has made many of us more reflective on what has come…and what lies ahead.
The (very active) Whatsapp group with one group of friends has recently taken an introspective turn. One of them — not exactly the one I usually count on as the soft-mushy one — recently posted this list with the words “food for thought”
Maybe it was the lingering of the Coldplay song and the ramblings in my head that made me respond with the below (and led to this post)
“We are running shorter on No 7 and therefore need to work on 3 and 4 to re-define and achieve 5 and 6 which will enrich 2 with 1”
It seems the castles we envisioned in our youth, the value of the adoration of a crowd, the assumptions of success (financial, family, other) that I myself am re-examining are also top of mind for others in “middle age.”
Health (physical AND mental) has to come first. A mental reframe to learn to “slow down” (not easy for A-types who have achieved throughout their lives by moving fast and breaking things) has to be learnt. A blank slate to redraw what is no longer ambition but now takes on a tinge of legacy beyond us has to be drafted. Love in your life, I am learning — the hard way — has to start with yourself before it can be applied to others.
On reflection, it is also interesting to note that this group of friends are all men… that our perception of what Terry Real calls “grandiose men” syndrome is what made us feel we had the right to “rule the world”…and that as we get to 50 we are all, in our own ways, seeking to discover more down to earth dreams and purpose alongside those that we love and love us…
To counter the Coldplay song, if we each get this pivot right, maybe the song will be wrong and St Peter *will* call our name…
